Friday, September 14, 2007

Response

I had a friend ask me in an e-mail what is wrong with my teeth as I had told her I have another dental appointment today. Not my favorite thing to explain but I feel maybe it may explain things.This post will be similar to other posts on this subject. I will make it disappear after a day or so.

Let's see. I had some problems with a root canal not done properly. Costs....too much for the first round and lots to save and deal with the pain for the second round.

Then after the root canal my dentist referred me to a periodontist. I am only 40, maintain my teeth and yet some issues. Last Friday was HARD. I have serious bone loss. I was told that I grind my teeth and the pressure that the jaw exerts is tremendous. Now I came home shocked. It is very substantial. I at first wondered at the appointment how could this have been missed in all the years I have been around?

Then I realized this was not a problem until 1-1-05. I began grinding as a result of Bill's accident. He spent six months trying to recover and leveling off his pain. Then he tried to go back to work and had problems. So off another 4 months light duty. Then he was told that the county has no position for a deputy that is light duty. That is true it is a large county, small population, and not much money. So Bill was without a job all because he did he job, working so many hours on that fateful night. Grind...grind ...grind grind.

We moved right after the turn of the new year 2006. Bill then spent the year attending school trying to regroup and figure out his new direction. December 2006, we were almost out of money. So he took a job. It is in a similar field, but the pay is lots less. Can you imagine 30-35 thousand dollars less in a matter of a year? Grind...grind grind grind

Being strong and putting on a brave front and trying to accept this is what I have been trying to do. I grew up without my dad, so make no mistake about this I KNOW THAT THE ALTERNATIVE IS WORSE FOR US. But there are times when I feel consumed. Things like dental that have no place in our budget of three in braces. Braces are our luxuries now. Grind grind grind grind

I am ashamed to admit to you that I snapped at Bill yesterday. I gave him both barrels. I can only get a job after 4 because of the home school issue. Whine blah blah blah. So if you had a chance to read pen of jen today...the post is for me, I need to leave it at the cross. I thought I had been. But I am a closet hoarder of burden and grief and carried it in my person so deep that grind grind grind grind. So please say a little prayer for me to leave all my burdens with Christ. I know it is that easy, but apparently I think that I am so strong that I can carry this weight. Let me tell you something, I am not so strong to look at the freezer and see barren shelves, nor the fridge, nor the pantry. So today I leave it at the cross. It will become easier, and I have lots to leave but I will.

Hope that makes sense.
Jennifer

5 comments:

MightyMom said...

ahh, you grind, I clench.

gives terrible headaches!

I will periodically just open my mouth as wide as possible to stretch all those muscles out.
esp when I catch myself clenching.

Matt 6:27

can you add about 20-30 min of good stretching or yoga to your exercise?? It really will help.
I've got a good tape you can probably find at the library....

forgive yourself, you're a good woman doing the best you can with what you've been given.

Jeremiah 29:11

Penless Thoughts said...

Oh Jen it made and makes absolute sense. You were preaching to yourself and you KNOW we have to leave it at the cross. It's all part of US wanting to be able to do it all and we can't. Only He can and He doesn't even want us to try.
Love, blessings & ((hugs))
Susan

jennifer said...

Sarah I don't get headaches, BUT clearly I have done some tremendous damage.

I stretch/exercise for about 20 minutes every day. I am certain that my 40 day work out was from the Lord to begin my healing.Or at least ceasing the continued damage.

I am not into yoga, it is something that makes me troubled. An eastern philosophy that has no place with me. I may be too rigid, but I find it troubling.

Susan-You are right..I was the choir. I know the truth, but I also am *man*. You are right Jesus does not want me to even try. That was my whole post in a few lines. God bless you for being such an amazing friend.

Pam said...

Oh sweet Jen. I've been there! I can SO understand this post. I love you dear sister for your transparancy. I have a more specific way to pray for you now.
{{{{HUGS}}}}

Karen said...

Jen,
First, more of a practical thing....We have University of Michigan near us and their dental college has a fantastic treatment program and only treats people under a certain income. My son used it and they were fantastic. Maybe there's a university with a dental school out there?

Secondly, I will be praying. I still have trouble understanding why He allows these things.....or why He allows them to continue so long even when we're walking in obedience. It is so stressful on everyone involved.

Thirdly, I wish I could be there to help you in some way....but I'm sure God has His people out your way to be there for you. Both of you can't be beating yourselves up. You didn't choose this whole thing, and you're doing a remarkable job in the midst of it.

hugs,
Karen